 Sure I know, I know, move on, the Lions tour is over. But there is no rugby on at the moment, so I am bored shitless. My club team missed out on the semi finals, there is no provincial rugby, the All Blacks are waiting for the 3N to start, so, how about...
A genuine, form, Lions test team. Who would have lined up for the tests, on 'Bart form'?
This is pretty easy to do now, with the benefit of hindsight. Would probably have been very easy to do during the tour too, by playing your shadow test side each Saturday leading up to the first test match. However, sometimes the most logical things to do are cast by the wayside, and 'cunning plans' come into play, especially when you have 'master tacticians' like Sir Woody in control...
But not here to slate Woody, that has been done enough, a test team that would have challenged the All Blacks, if they had been given match time together for the first four Saturdays of the tour.
This team, living on the WW, also has no injury problems, so Dallaglio makes it through the first 6 tour games to test 1...
15: Josh Lewsey. (England).
He was on fire early, as a fullback. Got shafted and shifted to the wing for players who were having trouble tying their bootlaces, let alone playing international rugby.
14: Mark Cueto. (England).
Bit of genuine winger pace and all that dodgy shit that the blouses do too, the wobbly running that makes then hard to catch.
13: Ollie Smith. (England).
What, no BoD? Being tour captain, despite being playing at about 10% of ability, I guess he would have started the test. This however, is a form team, an in my books, Ollie Smith was under used, and should have been given that third test at the very least.
12: Gordan D'Arcy. (Ireland).
Showed enough form early to suggest that he would have made the grade if played regularly in the midfield with the big boys. No one else played very well in the midfield - which was shown when golden boy Jonny was selected there for the first test after 20 minutes play.
11: Gareth Thomas. (Wales).
Top tour from the big Taffy, limited vision as a midfielder (although he did manage to vision his way through that huge gap in the second test), but fine on the wing when he doesn't have to set up any outsides!
10: Charlie Hodgson. (England).
Sure, he shone against shite house teams (apologies to the shithouse teams), but at least he DID shine when he should have, against the lesser lights - unlike some of the other 'international' players in the Lions.
9: Matt Dawson. (England).
About the only halfback on tour big enough to be playing test rugby! All the hobbits turning out for Wales and Scotland and Ireland, sure, fine when they are playing against each other, but when you get out of the 85kg restricted weight grades, you need someone with a bit of muscle. He also showed good enough form to set a decent looking back line away, and to drive a forward pack with some form.
8: Lawrence Dallaglio (England, c).
Was in great form for Wasps at the end of the Pom season, and playing well enough against the bay until he tried to install a swivel joint to his ankle. Would have been the leader around to build a forward pack.
7: Simon Esterby. (Ireland).
Maybe not a genuine seven in the mould of a Holah or McCaw, but the best man for the job.
6: Ryan Jones. (Wales).
One of the few form loose forwards on tour, mobile enough to be the second best option as a seven too, especially with the rest of the old men in the tour party.
5: Simon Shaw. (England).
The big ox came to New Zealand and was straight into form. Huge against the Maori in Hamilton, and never let the side down in any other games - his 60 metre run against Manawatu one of my tour highlights!
4: Paul O'Connell. (Ireland).
Finally started to hit form in the final test - just needed to be playing more footy previous to that, so he would have got his 'brain farts' out of the way before the first and second tests.
3: Julian White. (England).
Sure, the mobility of a Tiger tank during a Russian autumn, but he held up the scrum well, and when you compare him with the butterball Stevens, and staple backed Hayes, there is no one else.
2: Gordon Bulloch. (Scotland).
Oh my good, a Scotty makes the team. Was gutsy from say one, never say die, and gave his all, even when it was dead obvious that his chances of making the test team were between nothing and not a chance.
1: Gareth Jenkins. (Wales).
Bloody good prop, who played bloody good rugby, until his scrummaging radar went on teh fritz in the third test. But good honest player who kept Hayman, and then Somerville on their toes.
16: Steve Thompson. (England).
It showed in the provincial, that when Thompson and Sheridan came on in the second spells, 240 odd kilos of good old English black pudding, teams struggled to contain them. This tactic not used in the tests, after proving to be so successful, for whatever reason, was nuts.
17: Andy Sheridan. (England).
Propped well enough against Hayman during the Maori match to suggest that winning his second test cap on this Lions tour would not have been beyond him. Bulldozer with ball in hand, and would have been a superb one / two punch off the bench with Thompson in the tests.
18: Donncha O'Callaghan. (Ireland) .
Best of a bad bunch, picked more on 6N form than anything!
19: Richard Hill. (England).
Another big lump to bring off the bench late in the match, experience to burn, and was playing pretty well until injured. Not setting the world on fire, but better than the other options.
20: Dwayne Peel. (Wales).
A sniping little runner to bring on late in the match, to take advantage of the holes that Thompson and Sheridan would make battering around the fringes.
21: Stephen Jones. (Wales).
A bit of insurance on the bench - kicks goals and runs the back line well, defence not the mightiest, but another weapon to bring onto the field.
22: Geordian Murphy. (Ireland).
The luck of the Irish to bring on in the outside backs once the match has opened up. Nice runner who, along with Lewsey, was the form fullback on tour.
So there you go. That would have been my first test team, and would have played together on the four Saturdays before the first test match. Although I expect there would have been chopping and changing to get there. Perhaps Woodies love child could have made it to the starting line up if he had been given some game time pre the first test. Funny how I was worried about Wilkinson playing, pre tour. But he wasn't allowed to play his way back into form, and thus, didn't!
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