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Written by Emmer
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Wednesday, 07 February 2007 |
 You useless bunch of fucks. Never in my life have I seen anything more incompetent than that.
I reserve my utmost contempt for Captain Fucked, but I'll start with a few words about the bowlers. Anyone who thinks Bond is back to his old self is kidding. The first wicket was, admittedly, good. He then got some cheap wickets at the death, but they were just that- cheap. The man can't bowl more than about two overs of pace in a game, and he doesn't move the ball.
Flintoff bowled genuinely fast, agressive balls all night. Bond, on the other hand, was five to ten clicks below him and dropping. If you wanted to see a real fast bowler then Freddie not Bondie was your man. Bond's not a weapon. He's a fucking liability.
What is most concerning is that Captain Fucked and the team apparently think Bond is some sort of saviour.
Vettori looks like he's labouring in and out of ideas. Somebody should tell him to try to spin the fucking ball, because he didn't try to turn one last night. Not fucking one. In his six overs he was our most expensive bowler. He didn't look like getting a wicket, and there was the usual short crap he dished up in the last game (where he flucked one wicket with a short pie) thrown in to boot.
Captain Fucked, the useless turd, was completely invisible in the field. I heard McCullum all innings, but only caught sight of Captain Fucked at about the 40th over. That was when he, inexplicably, removed Styris (then 4 overs, 1 for 12) from the attack) to replace him with one of our pie-chuckers. I could have sworn Captain Fucked didn't even appear on the screen before that time. He was probably in bed. If only he had stayed there.
So 271 was too many, but we were in the hunt. Here is a question for you:
Forget Captain Fucked's lofty position in the team for a bit. Let's just call him Player X.
Imagine Player X is an opening batsman for New Zealand. He hasn't scored a run all tournament. He was picked on the back of not scoring a run in New Zealand prior to that. He took the busiest part of the New Zealand season off to lie on the beach.
Despite opening the batting, he hasn't scored a hundred in three years. He then scores one off 150 balls chasing 270. It's tinny as all hell, and the speed of it means we have no chance of winning a must-win game. In the course of doing so he runs out our best batsman and puts pressure on others so they self destruct. Once he's finally got his hundred he gets out at a crucial time. When interviewed he looks pretty thrilled with his ton, but suggests it was a "bit slow."
Would you pick Player X again?
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