Well with the All Blacks giving the dirty Convicts one in return you'd think we'd all be pretty happy.

Unfortunately, some of us (or I) have time to be grumpy with other stuff and feel the need to share. And I'm not talking about how dumb Nisbo or Mex sound sometimes, or even a lack of lithe young cheerleaders. I'm not going to bag those one-eyed whinging blowflies-in-a-glass-jar talking twerps Kearns and co. Nope, couldn't give a stuff about 'em. I fired up this weekend while watching the game because of the bullshit camera angles Sky fed us.

It's a slippery slope if you ask me, and I want to take a moment to dump on it.

Obviously, when rugby is on TV, we all share the same feed of pictures that are directed by a local director, and you can sort of understand when it's someone like the Frogs bringing us shithouse focus and missing lineout throws while showing the RWC from poofball stadiums. You can cut the Italians some slack too, most of them are still wondering if they can change sides halfway through the game in case their team is behind anyway. And the Poms are still having trouble with the speed of the game, especially the idea of having more than a scrum or maul and 2 other players to try and shift focus to. The Aussies have a good excuse too since most of the cameras are busy with filming some guy who's got his didgeridoo stuck in a jumbuck. Or playing AFL. Or Turfhumping. I accept their reasons, it's a multicultural world, tolerance is vital...

But I'm buggered if I'll put up with a substandard New Zealand version going out to the Rugby Universe via satellite. We're supposedly the self-proclaimed precious spiritual home of rugby, and yet halfway through our beloved Haka we are shown the Wobbly face of Fat Pudding looking like he's just sharted. Why? Just show us later! Like when they're taking their jumpsuits off for an idea... And about the actual way the Haka is filmed;

I'm reasonably sure the effect of having 22 massive pricks in Black doing a tribal war dance is pretty impressive when you stand in front of them. But I don't know, because Mr F. Ilmstudentype is far more interested in showing us the riveting depths of Ali Williams ear hole or what's written on Kaino's wrist tape today, with some dudes in black moving around out of focus behind him.

Cheers, you utter cock. Hope you drown.

We move on to the kick-offs, the receiving of and subsequent action following this moment. For the purposes of the lesson we will refer to this as "the game". Rugby is a fast game, and I would think it is a tough ask for a cameraman.

So why make it harder on yourselves? Because what makes it near impossible to keep track of from my couch is all this rapid changing of angles and distance like I'm stuck in a kaleidoscope, and while I'm sitting there covered in the crumbs of corn chips and clutching a half-crushed beer can I really don't need to see if the halfback's hair is doing okay after getting caught in that last ruck. Or do I? Do you? Show me what the backs are doing, will they kick it, run it, do they have a move on? Well, I don't know, because you're not showing me you PistonwristedGibbons!

Give me a middle bloody distance, bog standard and stable shot that shows the bloke with the ball and the 10 metre space around him. A try, the ball going out for a lineout, play stopping for a scrum, and DC lining up for another 2 or 3 points is the only acceptable time for the close ups and hero shots. Actually even then use some fucking common sense and show us how the lads in the back lines are lining up instead.

When play does restart, try and have a frigging lens on it would you? You're only there to facilitate this wondrous technological achievement we call televised sports, right? At least, I know you're not there to focus in on some chick shoehorned in to what somehow resembles a bike tires inner tube. Under pressure. You sick, sick bastard

Please. Give me a view that includes the kicker and the opposing side, which will allow you to smoothly move back into the suitable distance and heterosexual angle described above.

My point is that the standard is slipping. Come on Sky Sports and contractors, show us what you can do, and let your broadcasts inspire other rugby nations to follow suit. I'll even volunteer to do a game for you and show you what I mean if you like? I'm free for the next Bokke test...

Alternatively, you can always disappear up your own satellite dish and let someone else have a go?

Remotely Yours,
Scorz.