Hello, I'm David Moffett.
I'm speaking at you today to let you know, that I'm right, alright?

I'm right about the fact that the NZRU is in disarray and that our great nation is now in a turmoil unseen since the North Island versus South Island civil wars when slavery was abolished in 1925.

And I'm right about the fact that Graham Henry got it all wrong. Okay?

Since the day I got shafted I've been saying "They're not going to win the cup unless I'm at the helm ", and whaddya know? Once again David Moffett was right. Right as a whale.

The reason everything went so wrong is because Chris Moller and Jock Hobbs, Steve Tew and their little mate Graham Henry are all dicks.

They car pool to work together in Graham's Ford Dickmobile, every morning they go through McDicks and order the 'Mc My-Mates-Are-All-Dicks' breakfast combo, and on the weekend they sit around listening to The Dickstreet Boys on a stereo with their dick mates.
That kind of thing filters down through the staff and unless they are all sacked in favour of ME they will run that place into the ground and have it renamed The New Zealand Dick Union.

I've done my own calculations and have worked out that the All Blacks loss at the World Cup has cost our national economy $9,465billion.

$9,465billion down the drain, all because 4 years ago that bunch of dicks sat around having one of their 'dick meetings' and Graham said
"Let's try really hard to embarrass New Zealand by losing the World Cup eh? That would be a laugh!"
Some of you hippies and socialist lefties might say
"Oh come now David a coach would never say anything like that."
EXACTLY! A coach wouldn't ... ... ... but a DICK would!

Anyway, they're all wrong and I'm right.

What's that? What would I have done differently? What kind of question is that? I just told you didn't I? I wouldn't have done what they did, I would have done it right!
How?.... .... .... well I don't know HOW exactly, but I definately wouldn't have done what those dicks did so I would have got it right by default, what are you a dick too or something?
I would have played a much better game than Dan Carter too. I was yelling at the screen during the start of the game, I would have landed 5 dropped goals in the first half during the first 8 minutes. Imagine that? Up by 15 in a world cup quarter final after only 8 minutes? Wouldn't have lost it from there.
But Steve Tew and Chris Moller's tactics that they told the team to play were wrong, and mine, David Moffett's were right.

I'm right about everything in life, not just rugby.
Restaurants often call me to match wines with their main dishes, I can always guess whether Whangarei or Gisborne had a higher temperature on the weather, heck I'm just always right. Always!

I was also right about the fact that we would be welcoming a grandaughter into the family when my daughter fell preganant. I knew she'd be a girl from the first time my daughter told me.
She said "Dad, I'm pregnant",
and I replied instantly "What are you going to call her?"
Karen then said "Why do you think it's a girl?"
I lowered my copy of North & South and said "Because I'm right, alright!?"
So what if the child was born with a penis? She's a girl, a girl with a penis.
She's a miracle baby! I'll bet that later on in her life she'll have special powers like 'healing' or 'aura reading' or 'being able to forecast vegetable harvests just by smelling the soil'.

So look, the lessons of today are that Jock and Tew and Moller and his mates are useless and that you lost a fucking gem when you let me go NZRFU .. F.U. alright! Well now that you've lost all I can say is Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HA!
I was right!

yours correctly,
David Moffett*,
Proud New Zealander