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The Return of the Stalker… |
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Written by champion Stalker Willie the Waiter
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Thursday, 02 December 2004 |
 THE stalking action had gotten a bit slow in the rough old world of London in recent times, and I felt like I was letting the side down. So when the opportunity arose to have a jar with the All Black's I was all over it like a fly on shit... (although need to work on my "photo face")!
The first to arrive were Byron, Luke, Norm and Rodney. Now at this point I'm going to do a "Graham Henry "Reuben Thorne" maneuver and retract my statement that Rodney is small! Dunno if he's been taking some growth pills or something (check out the size of his head in the pic!) but he's defo' bigger than when I saw him last.. Solid foker that's for sure! Anyhoo sucked it up and told him I had my doubts about him but he'd proved me wrong. Lucky, because I'm sure he gave a rats arse about what I thought anyway! 
So yes Winger, I suppose I should apologise to you as well.. But I won't, we'll just have a compromise, where we pretend I never slated Rodney...
Next up Byron "The AB Pimp" Kelleher. The other boys scamper to the sealed off section, away from the hordes of adoring women. Not our man Byron, quick as a flash he's out with the ladies getting all the photos in the world and loving it. According to Luke he just loves it and can't get enough of it! Anyway, umm what did he say, thinks Chiefs will go well this year, thinks they have too many BOP players (shit or is that just me..), reckons Robinson will be back just had another op.. and and in the photo he's standing on a stair cause i was dwarfing him!
Oh and this stories a burner.. Surely the award for dickhead of the year. These 4 were at the Walkabout in temple in the arvo, no one in there pretty much 'cept them (sans any kit).. So I said that musta been cool for the punters in there.. Umm well he said no one even noticed they were in there except for this guy who came up to their table and said "hey have you fullas heard the All Black's are supposed to be coming here tonight!" Byron replied with straight face "no way bro they wouldn't come here!". True story told to me by Luke and Byron, they were still pissing themselves about it! Good work that man! 
Mad Max wandered past.. body holding up well after the weekend things he'll be in good shape for the super 12. Fark he's a tall hua. Poor bastard all he wanted to do was take a piss, not possible son when it's on the other side of the room and you've gotta have 800 photos taken with annoying bastards like me.. Also not helped by random women who comes up whose flat mates cousins uncles nephews daughters brother knows one of the boys who aren't there and can Norm pass along a message that Bob is trying to get hold of him. As soon as she walked off i bet him a £100 he couldn't remember fark all of what she said. I'm still waiting for me money.. 
Next got to have a yarn to Luke for a good 15 minutes.. Why you ask? Cause no one knows who the fark he is! He was just standing there in the corner looking bored. Good work his parents for raising him one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.. Brilliant young man (fark I must be getting old saying shit like that!).. He's "shattered" not to be playing, everything was healed up and bang went again. Gave him the big "don’t worry 'bout it son, you’ve got time on your side, and enjoy the anonymity while you can"! I said mate you're just not used to the cold English weather, didn't you have your gay tights on! Yep had them on, asked who's farking idea that was etc, said it was a recovery warmth thing, not too bad when all the boys wear them but then admitted "yeah they are pretty gay"! Haha nice.
He'll be playing 2nd this year at the Blues, Tui at centre (leg infection ruled him outta UK tour not shoulders as I thought). Reckoned we ain't seen the best of TUi and his passing, same thing as Jerry, has all the skills in the world just not told to use it, his kicking all good too.
Doesn't do any squats! Reckons they fark his legs, heaps of sprint training then? Nup just got them from his old man who's got the biggest legs in the world. And it's the no 1 question he gets asked "how much do you squat?!". Asked him what wearing the black meant to him, (kinda wanted to ask one of the senior players if they think the younger guys who've just 'done the system' as such and just gone thru to the team still regarded it as highly as older guys) - means the world to him no bigger honour. You could tell the boys on a massive high from France still, really appreciated the crowd etc (fark what a great game that was to be at) loved the atmos'.
Chatted about the u21’s a coupla of years back, he was stoked that I reckoned that haka they did in the final is still the best one I reckon I’ve seen. Dan Carter is dirty with him cause he's broken which means Dan got pulled into the side and he wanted to be on the piss this week! Boys will be out on a large one on Saturday, dunno where but “Byron will have something up his sleeve” (obviously Kelleher the party machine in the AB’s!)
Can't wait to get on the plane on Sunday, had enough of being away- just had a sprog too didn't he? (WtW top tip for this week, slip a cheeky fiver on the Baa Baa's I get the feeling all these boys would rather be elsewhere)!
Other boys showed up now, pub went nuts when Tana and God walked in. Couldn't stick around to have a yarn with them as had to get to team Xmas party so just did the snap and bolt. Not before telling Mr. Woodcock he needed to put some more food on his plate or he was a disgrace to fatties everywhere (yes he walked in and went straight to the buffet)... Jerry looked pretty dark (that’s angry to our PC readers!) when he came in. Fark he's a big unit I'd hate to get hit by him! I don't consider myself 'small' at 6'4 but just the 'thickness' on these guys is amazing.. (and they've all got farking huge heads 'cept for Conrad smith)!
Tana, God, etc all friendly as gutted couldn't stay any longer to yarn to them.
Righto so had to bolt not before attempting to make myself the most hated man in NZ when I nearly killed Jerry by almost bowling him down the stairs as I tried to get past him! he didn't get angry tho' which is lucky for me, and even rang my coach and told him "Hi this is Jerry I've seen you play and you're shit".. Beautiful...!
And just to reiterate, Luke McAlister top man! (well almost a boy really!) |
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